Perceptions of Self

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Perceptions of Self

I perceive myself to be a critical self-evaluator, believing that self-deception will not help me attain my goals. I am not as anxious to get reality checks that are personal from others. After I took the communication surveys and wrote down my scores, I apprehensively called upon my daughter, a high school senior to complete the surveys. I watched and listened as she worked her way through the task; I heard some laughing and saw furrowed eye brows above narrowed eyes glancing in my direction. When she was finished, I asked if she had any comments. “I have only seen you avoid talking in a small group if you wanted to observe them” (personal communication, A. Newby, 2013, March 25). Her scores were nearly identical to my own. Next, I had a coworker complete the surveys; her comment was “I have only heard you be insulting once in the years we have worked together” (personal communication, T. Borchardt, 2013, March 25). Her scores were also very close to my own. Okay, now what? I obliged my carpool buddy to complete the surveys. And found someone who just broke the score from moderate to significant in verbal aggressiveness. What does that tell me about my driving, or the venting I do on the ride home from work? Her scores for listening and communication anxiety were the same as the other participants and me.

Insights from this week’s studies include the quote from the Georgia Banks story. “I never went through the things they’re going through. But I can be a sounding board for good judgment” (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 59). I saw her role in the students’ lives as an active listener very powerful and a good reminder to be authentic when my experiences do not relate to the lives and experiences of the children and families I serve.

As a team we held a self assessment meeting this week, where we also invited parents to provide feedback on the goals we had set for the year. We explored strengths and weakness and next steps. A foster parent shared that she had just enrolled her second foster child in the program and also brought a picture of the first foster child that had been through our prekindergarten program and was now reunited with her mother. The foster parent said the girl has a sign on her bedroom door that says, “I AM GOING TO COLLEGE!” Wow! That is powerful and relates to O’Hair and Wiemann’s (2012) explanation of the development of self-concept.

“You develop a self-concept by thinking about your strengths and weaknesses, observing your behavior in a wide variety of situations, witnessing your own reactions to situations, and watching others’ reactions to you “(Snyder, 1979, cited by O’Hair & Wiemann, p. 47).

The messages we send to children and how we respond to them has the potential to make a significant difference in their life path.

Reference

O’Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2012) Real communication: An introduction (2^nded.). Boston, MA:

Bedford/St Martins

4 comments:

MandyMarch 29, 2013 at 1:39 PM
Wendy,
I think it speaks volumes about how you present yourself that all who took the evaluation were so similar to you. You obviously are a very genuine and authentic person that communicates in a respectful and caring way. This is a true gift not only when working with children and families, but just in day to day living.
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Kim MartinMarch 29, 2013 at 5:54 PM
Hi Wendy,
You are an effective communicator! I can tell by how well you communicate through writing and how well your colleagues knew and evaluated you. Your words are clear and so is your intention. I hope to be able to refine my communication style to be as effective as yours!
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AnonymousMarch 31, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Wendy,

I think the identical results show that others evaluate you the same way as you see and evaluate yourself and it is a valuable insight since it shows that you are being honest with yourself and others.
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Joseph StarnesMarch 31, 2013 at 7:23 PM
Wendy,
I think that you are an effective communicator. Thank you for sharing about the venting on the ride home, we all do that at some point and I believe that is important. What a powerful message about the messages we send to children. I now work with children who have special needs and I constantly strive to inform them that it is not their "need" that defines them.
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Personal Childhood Web

Joanie Peterson, my mother, was very engaged in my life from birth. I was the oldest and the only child until I was five. I was loved,my mother spent time with me by including me in whatever activities needed to be done. I remember the old tile floor in the kitchen that had to be waxed regularly. When the wax dried, my mother would give me an old towel to stand on and she would put on music and we would dance the twist until the tiles were buffed. My mother was finishing her bachelor degree in psychology and English during my first three years. I had the opportunity to meet lots of people in a community of shared values. I had time to play uninterrupted and my play was very creative and complex, with hours outside. I was read to and the value of learning was instilled in me early, but not in a competitive way, to be recognized as the best, but in a very personal way. Was I giving the task or the skill my best effort? Her approach to parenting developed intrinsic motivation in me. I am a great team player, motivated and satisfied to make sure the team does well. The measure of achievement is the level to which I tried my best. I can take a risk to take on a new challenge, because I know my mother will always love me. I value personal responsibility.

Rev. Merton Peterson, my father, was finishing seminary and pastoring his first church when I was born. I remember sitting on his lap, watching him type, helping fold bulletins, turning the handle on the old mimeograph machine, and going on home visits with him, when he needed to visit families from the church. We did not have material wealth, but I never felt poor We had enough that we could share. My did believed in me, when there was something I needed to do or learn he always spoke as though I had already mastered the task. I believe he spoke with confidence, because he has prayed for me every day of my life. Being a pastor's child means you learn manners, expectations and hospitality very early. We had lots of company. I loved giving up my bedroom and sleeping in a sleeping bag so the missionaries could have my room when they visited. I would listen to stories of their experiences in different countries and how they would help build homes and schools and grow crops wile they shared that Jesus loved them. I share my family's faith in God and the value that people are more important than things.

My extended family did not live close to me as I was growing up. But my grandmothers and aunt were prolific letter writers. We visited family every holiday, making holidays feel very special. I would listen to the adults share stories about family and friends. I knew that family were there for each other. My great-great grandparents were homesteaders. There was a strong sense of work ethic practiced. There were ranchers and there were farmers. It takes commitment and self determination to make it work. The entire family has to help to get the cattle in or harvest the crops. I remember the first time I was allowed to go on a cattle drive. I was probably seven. The strong connection to aunts, uncles and cousins as we spent the day on horseback gathering the cattle that were scattered among the trees and meadows in the foothills was exhilarating—I belonged, I was given worthwhile work. The farming family was an even stronger influence on my work ethic. When we visited the farm there was always tasks I could participate in: picking fruits and vegetables to can or freeze for my families use and when I got older picking melons or driving a tractor. It was part of being a member of my family. My family values hard work and integrity.

The church community provided a foundation of belonging and strength in conviction. Looking back I can appreciate that those families made sacrifices to make I had what I needed. The children were my friends, we could discuss the roles we were in and decisions we faced from a shared set of values. I never felt alone. As a community we looked out for each other. The community demonstrated living the values they held.

School Environment, Most people cannot imagine going to a school that houses children from kindergarten through senior high in the same building. Still the school community had enough diversity of values that it was a great place to have my values challenged and for me to exercise the decisions to stand true to my values. With only thirteen in my graduate class, but still the roles and functions of any school, there was so much opportunity to try out many different tasks. There were sports, student council officers, music, drama and clubs. I tried it all, because in a school that small everyone needs to get involved to have enough participants. My work ethic and integrity rewarded me with responsibility and opportunities. The most unusual was a flight class to learn to be a pilot, which included flight hours in a small plane. In the state I was raised, schools were the hub of activity for rural communities. Everyone came to all the events. People valued being together.

Wendy Newby - Have I asked the right question?

Thursday, March 28, 2013